One of the BEST daily emails I subscribe to is called Peaceful Daily.  Thank you Sandy for your daily wisdom, and especially for this story....a reminder to me of all the "shit" that's been shoveled my way.... it doesn't have to bury me, it can be a way up and out.  How are you shaking off the dirt and stepping into your freedom.  It's always a choice!

Peace


One day a farmer's donkey fell down into a well. The animal cried piteously for hours as the farmer tried to figure out what to do. Finally, he decided the animal was old, and the well needed to be covered up anyway; it just wasn't worth it to retrieve the donkey.



He invited all his neighbors to come over and help him. They all grabbed a shovel and began to shovel dirt into the well. At first, the donkey realized what was happening and cried horribly. Then, to everyone's amazement he quieted down. A few shovel loads later, the farmer finally looked down the well. He was astonished at what he saw.

With each shovel of dirt that hit his back, the donkey was doing something amazing. He would shake it off and take a step up. As the farmer's neighbors continued to shovel dirt on top of the animal, he would shake it off and take a step up. Pretty soon, everyone was amazed as the donkey stepped up over the edge of the well and happily trotted off!

MORAL: Life is going to shovel dirt on you, all kinds of dirt. The trick to getting out of the well is to shake it off and take a step up. Each of our troubles is a steppingstone. We can get out of the deepest wells just by not stopping, never giving up! Shake it off and take a step up.

Grieving is funny business



Dec 1981.  L-R Back: Dad, Auntie Shirl, Mom
Middle:  Nam & Mac
Front:  Grampy & Grammy

Over the years, I've worked through the loss of people I dearly love; my dad, 25+ years ago; all of my grandparents; a couple of friends from my youth; and Bill, a little over 7 years ago.  I know definitively that I am resliant.  I don't stay sad for too long.  I always bounce back from loss.  

I've also learned over the years that for me, grief has funny, often peculiar, triggers.  The 1st year after I lost my dad was tough, but I was pretty numb, so milestone days (his birthday, Father's Day, Christmas, and the like) passed with little notice.  I was sad, but not grief stricken.  That came in the 2nd year, and in a big way!  My heart had healed just enough to form an emotional scab.  It didn't take much (a song, a piece of paper, a random comment, really anything!) to rip that baby off and expose the tenderness, unleashing a tsunami of tears. There were times when I was sure that I would never stop crying and that my heart would never, ever mend.  And so it has gone with the other losses in my life.  1st year - numb sadness.  2nd year - horrid, unrelenting grief and tears.  3rd & subesquent years - better, a little at a time.
 
This past summer, I finally completed a search for a primary care physician and had my first appointment with Dr. Alphaeus Wise.  Long story!  As part of the new patient process, I had to list, in one place, my family history.  I'm sure the last time I had to do this was some 30+ years ago, when everyone was still alive!  Good Lord!!!  As I completed the form, I found myself alternating between tears of sadness and joy.  Quite surreal I promise.
 
It was the first time, in a VERY long time that I found myself alone with my personal history; thinking about my family and how much they meant to me, how much of their history I carry, and what characteristics each one gifted me.  My Grammy Jean was "uber" creative and ran a very organized household.  My Grampy was strong, charismatic and stubborn. My grandma Nam was social and demanded good manners.  My grandpa Mac was "chill", quick with a smile and fiercely loyal.  My dad believed the best in everyone and pushed me to be authentic (walk your talk!) way before 'authentic' found its way into our vocabulary.  These qualities and so many more are who I am.
 
So the reflection time in the waiting room brought a torrent of inexplicable tears.  Thank goodness for Kleenex pocket packs! I finished the forms and mopped up most of the sadness. So, imagine my surprise as I start crying, yet again, when my new doc's opening line, after introductions, is "so...you've been through a quite a bit in your life!"  Not the suave first impression I would have hoped for! 

And so it went; sniffles, tears and laughter as we went thorugh my personal and family history.  Lucky me...Dr. Wise is just that, and found a way to turn the conversation around so I could find my way back to my sunny self. 

I share this in the hope that you will be gentle with yourself as you walk your path of grief.  Don't be surprised by anything, just "be" with it and know that all is in order. 
Grieving is a funny business.  Just when you think you have it all figured out - you don't.  And it's all good!

How about you...how has grief played with you?  Please share.

 

Anniversary #2

June 18th of 2012 marked the 2nd anniversary of my mastectomy surgery.  The day passed by pretty quietly!  It seems so long ago and yet almost like yesterday.  Time is funny!!

Daily, I'm reminded of my surgery as I inspect my surgical scars.  As scars go, I think they're quite beautiful!?  Vivian Ting is truly an artist!  Thanks to my oncologist, Dr. Garrett Smith, I take a 25mg dose of Aromasin daily to block the estrogen my body naturally produces. Daily, I try to get in some exercise to minimize the fat cells on my backside, which, by the way and thank you very much, is my body's main sources of estrogen in my post-menopausal status, !!  The irony!

And daily, I try to end each day with at least 5 things that I am grateful for.  "Vibrant and perfect health" is nearly always at the top of the list.  2 down, 3 to go...happy anniversary to me!