Thursday, May 15, 2008

You don't have a lot more time together...

The good news is that you know that! Make the choice to use whatever time you have wisely!!! I will always be grateful to our therapist Sherry Batterson for the lessons and direction she shared with us early on. They are:
  • Say what you need to say.
  • Do what you need to do.
  • See who you need to see.
  • Enjoy every minute that you have together.
You don't have any extra time to pussyfoot around. You can be blunt or direct without being mean or mean spirited. This means that you have to get off the eggshells and tell your PALS that you're scared, angry, overwhelmed, whatever. You must also hear the same from them. Give yourselves permission to take time out if necessary and then go back in to talk about the tough stuff. Write it down if you have to. Hire a mediator if you have to...but get it done. Then, once everything is off your chests....truly let it go! I don't believe either of you can afford to harbor any ill will.

Talk to each other about how your PALS can continue to contribute to the household without getting on your nerves. I don't know if you have children, but if you do, think back to when they were 3 or 4 and learning to dress themselves. It wasn't perfect, but they learned independence. The same principle applies here. Allow your PALS the dignity of doing what they can, gracefully pick up the bits that get dropped (if necessary) and then let the rest go. You'll have lots of time to clean it up (and think about how you would probably do it over if you had another chance!) later.

If there are things that are really important to you, just tell them. It wasn't easy, but I got really picky, really quick, about anything that took me away from having fun with Bill!

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